You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We are all done wearing pants today
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
