I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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