Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Terrible idea I love it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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