Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Enjoy the penises
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
