I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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