Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
