We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
