dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
