I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
