lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
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theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to