the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?