Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
