i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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