i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We got so high we made milksteak
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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