Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
