I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
