But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
