Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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