Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
