When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
