God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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