she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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