wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
NoShamevember. You game?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
