Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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