pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
