You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
