I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
