let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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