Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
