if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
