i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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