I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The Olympian is in my bed
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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