help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
