I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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