I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
