I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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