our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
