i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
