GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
