i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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