WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
