Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Bring me that man meat
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
