I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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