Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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