ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
