so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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