So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
