please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
