So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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