I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
