It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
