Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
