oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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