Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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