the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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