it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
