I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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