mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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