God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
