Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
