Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
