white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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